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| Steve pausing on West Virginia's Via Ferrata |
Amy-
Andy showed this post to me this morning; I know we've talked a bit on another post about the feelings of coming back from something like [The Most Epic Trip]. It's difficult to put into words, but I tried:
During the trip, the closer I came to realizing that my return to "civilization" was imminent, the more I grew uneasy with settling down and becoming part of the urban world again. It's been two weeks since being back and I'm dealing with the woes that come from living in a capital city- smog, traffic, apartment life and the general buzz that constantly surrounds me. I feel the constant need to escape.
Basically, I can't settle in. I feel a constant need to be doing something, to be busy, to be creating or cleaning or whatever. I'm sure it was driving Steve crazy; however I just recognized what I was doing and realization struck. When we were on the trip, we were constantly doing something. Even if we were just taking it easy in the hammock, we were experiencing the trip. But really, it was usually more movement than that- we were always discovering, always traveling, always learning, always organizing, always writing, photographing, taking videos, meeting people, cooking, hiking, climbing, etc... we were always doing something. The return to a stable environment is very unsettling for me and I just realized that I am in hyperactive mode, feeling like things need to get done, need to be finished, etc. But when I was on the trip, it was all enjoyable because it was all part of a larger experience. Back in this city- it's all busy work. I'm rushing towards nothing. Not in a negative way- it's just the comparison between the trip and "home" brings me to realize that the trip's activities held so much meaning to me, whereas here I'm not getting the same satisfaction, so perhaps it has been subconsciously driving me to do more. Like someone hooked on drugs who doesn't get the same "fix" as they once did so they up their intake.
Steve mentioned [in his comment on the blog] feeling isolated- that no one really understood where he was coming from. While I haven't felt completely that way- I felt that he, as well as people that we met on the trip, could relate- I have felt cut off from other people directly around me. Maybe self-imposed, but I have a hard time relating to the general public. When I do get a chance to talk about the trip, especially with those who have done something similar, I am so very grateful. It feels like rehab.
Anyway, those are my rambling thoughts on the matter. This is a new type of adventure. It's different than one I would have planned for myself, but that's the beauty- I just have to create it into one I choose. One day I'll do a trip like this again- and not "one day" in a wishful way- but in a determined it-will-be-done manner. It's in my blood now and I'm sure it will be throughout life.What experiences changed you and caused you to feel a little rough in the situations and places you used to fit in? What did you do to overcome that or grow from it?
P.S. Special thanks to Andy who showed me Amy's post today and made this whole insight thing possible. =)
I think there's a moment towards the end of every long adventure where it hits you. The moment of clarity when you realize what those days have meant in the bigger scheme of life and how you'll be forever changed because of it.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Dan. There is nothing that I have done up to this point in life that was that big of an adventure so of course it will lead to some sort of life change. It feels like I am just on a hiatus from it, though, which is odd, because it was really a hiatus from "real" life- or what my normal life has been, I guess. I'd rather the other become normal. ;)
ReplyDeleteI think the reentry is tough because no one else gets why you did the adventure you did. When defining fun with no or little luxuries I find several people scoff and don't understand. Being on an adventure includes you and (most times) someone else who relates and it is comforting.
ReplyDeleteI'm not the best person to give advice on this, although I may have some more advice when I get back from Thailand. :)
ReplyDeleteI've kind of felt this way before, even when I was going to college in Florida. I felt like I couldn't relate to everyone around me and of course moving to Colorado fixed that. Living here, the people I'm surrounded by get me, but some of my family doesn't understand why I'd live so far away. I don't mind because I know I'm in the right place. Gotta keep trusting your decisions and following your heart! I'm sure it will just take some time to figure out how the trip has changed you and why you're feeling the way you do. Sounds like writing about your adventures and feelings will also help give you some clarity.
Great post Gina, I completely relate.
ReplyDeleteWhen I went snowboarding in Japan last year I went by myself; first trip out of the country to a really remote spot (definitely not one of the big westernized resorts), knowing absolutely no one and not having a working knowledge of the language.
And it was so amazing. Met so many new people, Japanese and Australian. Big cultural differences, trying to understand things and communicate. One of my favorite memories was sitting in this little sushi restaurant at the counter with a man who was trying to practice his English with me as I was trying to practice my Japanese. Needless to say neither of us were very good but we discovered sake is a universal language and got good and sauced while sharing a bottle with the chef. Lots of broken phrases and laughter.
When I got back from that 12 day trip the first thing I noticed was the NOISE and I longed for the quiet valley I had left.
I found most people, while having a mild curiosity about why I went to the other side of the world to snowboard, didn't really relate or understand. I think many people get comfortable in the little corner they've created for themselves and don't understand why someone would leave theirs. And wow, are they missing out.
You probably have more stories and experiences now than someone twice your age. And isn't that what life is all about? It is for people like us.
I'm going back in Feb. 18 days this time, two places, and exploring the back country of Hakuba. Being back the past year was the haitus ;)
It does get in your blood - the travel, the experience. Wouldn't have it any other way.
I like everyone's comments. Everyone has had something good to contribute. Thanks. I hope I too have something appropriate to share.
ReplyDeleteI think it's natural for people who dream big and who seek ambitiously to experience and enjoy the beauty and the adventure of earth to feel a little disconnected from people who haven't had those incredible experiences. And we can't blame them. Everyone has their own beautiful world they live in, composed of whatever they create of it, and experience of it.
It's nice to get a little Costco style taste of what other people's world's are like. It adds a different dimension to our life and a deeper appreciation for people around us for the good we can see they are doing. But it makes it all the more beautiful to meet the rare few who see the world as we see it, and seek to experience it more as we seek to experience it.
That is when I think we realize that life is most beautiful with two. Two great friends.
Happy New Year! This is an exciting time of year :)
Thank you, everyone, for your thoughtful responses.
ReplyDeleteDawn: yes, I often find people don't understand why I would want to travel in a car when there are planes... you miss so much, though!
Whitney: I think our stories are so similar. I moved to Utah right after high school because I felt like I didn't fit in with my friends anymore- that there was more to life than the beach and working. (I think I was right. :) So glad we are friends; it's great to be able to hear your viewpoint!
Eric: I agree- life is all about experiences- it sounds like you had a wonderful one in Japan. I have heard the people there are absolutely beautiful. I am envious of your ability to travel there not only once, but twice!
Paul- Costco style taste! Great analogy! And yes- we do create our own life, this is as sure as the sun rises. We can be acted upon if we choose to allow it, but we can make it what we imagine as well. Just need a little initiative!